Brief speech I gave at Duncan's memorial
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Posted by: Chris Quinn 03/12/2003, 05:10:21 Edit

It is difficult to begin to write something when you are fully aware that no written or spoken word can ever come close to capturing something as beautiful as your subject. Nevertheless, because I know no other way to express myself, this is my feeble attempt to convey my sorrow for the death and my gratitude for the life of Duncan Barnes. I watched Duncan fall and I held him in my arms as he fought for his life. Despite witnessing the fall and the impact, I never believed that fate would be so deceitful. Everything in Duncan's present indicated that Duncan would continue to bring joy into the lives of others for as long as someone my age can imagine. As I held onto the side of Duncan's gurney and plead with him to breathe one thing was clear, if possible, Duncan would find a way to survive. Even as Mikey, Jeremy and I were forced to leave Duncan at the doors of the operating room we all agreed that his strength would carry us through this nightmare we were living together. Hours later we were confronted with the terrifying reality of his death and I was smothered by the most overwhelming paradox of my entire life. How could something be equally sobering and surreal? My mind went to war with itself and neither denial nor grief would prevail because neither offered an escape from the pain. More then anything, I knew an egregious error had been made. It couldn't be Duncan that was dead because it was Duncan's supernatural abilities of empathy and compassion that were needed to comfort the emotionally wounded. Finally, when anger, sorrow and regret stopped taking turns breaking my heart, the tear halting numbness began to run it's course and strangely offered a little bit of perspective. Although I had only know for six months, it only took about six minutes in his company to know something of his value. From the moment I met Duncan I was gently consumed by his presence. I say gently consumed because Duncan never seemed to force anthing. There was something effortlessly genuine and welcoming about him. His sly and astute grin suggested that he knew something about you that no one else did. At first I tried to keep my distance because I doubted that anyone could be simultaneously so confident and genuine. Despite my reservations, I soon realized that my cynicism couldn't have been more misplaced. Every time I saw Duncan a friendly smile and a good conversation were inevitable. Our banter was always enjoyable because he was a good listener and a thoughtful contributer. However, sincerity and genuine conversation weren't the only things Duncan had to offer. Duncan's most endearing quality was that he always tried to make everone else's life as enjoyable as his. Duncan's presence always meant a good time. I can't recall a single instance where I looked over to see a grim look on Duncan's face. If anything, I saw him seek out passive bystanders to make sure they were included in his world of fun and excitement. It was clear that Duncan knew that life was precious, and as a result, he hated to see anyone wasting there precious time by dwelling on the things that make life challenging. The things that angers me most about his loss is that I still had so many questions that only time and friendship could answer. These inquiries ranged from the insignificant, such as "how was he able to wear white pants and a pink shirt without anyone questiong his sexuality?" to monumental ponderings, such as "how had he come to know himself so well at the age of twenty-three?" Nevertheless, I feel I learned a great deal in the short amount of time I spent with Duncan Barnes. Duncan's ability to seek out the good in each individual and make them feel welcome in his presence resulted in a reciprocal relationship where everyone saw the value in Duncan. Everyone knew that Duncan Barnes was someone uniquely beautiful. Although there is little to provide comfort when we suffer a loss of this magnitude, I would encourage everyone to be thankful for the amount of time you spent with him. The horror and sorrow of Duncan's death will always haunt my thoughts, but the memory of the way he lived will forever soothe my pain.

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